Jerry Plays S'pore

So we recently had some observers in the office. They were here to watch how we work - it was team of SAP employees and outside consultants. Their task - to watch what tools we use and see how they could centralize and integrate them. One of their key tactics to get us to "open up" was to have a brain storming session to discuss some of the things they had observed that week. In order facilitate, they gave us play-do. Naturally, I did what any professional would have done in my situation - I spent the valuable time making a miniature of Jerry . . .

When the French Depart, Singapore Sees Violent Turf Wars Emerge

In the latest of a series of turf wars in Singapore, Lego man is attempting to squash the competition. With a cold calculating grin on his face, Lego man was seen strangling Teddy Bear earlier today. While the area initially celebrated the departure of it's tyrant leader Pierre-Yves Hadamar, it's been clear that without the iron fist with which he had ruled present to keep the peace, Singapore can expect more of these battles for control. . .

Matt Attempts to Defraud Coffee Shop, Fails Miserably

So amigos! I'm sorry that it's been so terribly long since I've updated this blog. My camera mysteriously disappeared and in my disbelief I stalled and stalled until it showed up. Unfortunately, it did not show up. But I've moved on and purchased a new camera, so I'm back on track. For my next post about the trip to Hunter Valley, I'll have to use stock footage from the internet, but let's be honest - those photos will probably be better anyway. In the short term I want to tell you about my feable attempt to obtain the post seen here. I loved it. I wanted it. They use this sock filter thing to make coffee here and I thought it was the best poster ever. So attached here is the short lived email dialog I used to try to obtain the poster . . . however, I failed. I've rearranged the email so that the original is at the top:

----- Original Message -----

From: Wellschlager, Matt

To: info@yakun.com

Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 3:06 PM

Subject: Merchandise

Hello - I love your coffee. I'm currently living in Singapore and I'm wondering how I can get a hold of a "Screw the French Press" poster. I want to frame it and bring it back to America because I love it. Do you sell any of your posters? Please let me know. Thank you.

From: Info [mailto:info@yakun.com]
Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 8:22 AM
To: Wellschlager, Matt
Subject: Re: Merchandise

Dear Mr Wellschlager,

Thank you for your interest and enquiry to our poster.

With regrets, we are unable accede to your request to obtain the poster as the posters are meant for our in-house collaterals and not available for sale to the public.

We seek your understanding in this matter and hope you can enjoy the posters each time you visit our outlets!

Ya Kun - The Toast that Binds ... Kinship, Friendship, Partnership

Best Regards,
Koo Yuan Hui
Personal Assistant
Ya Kun International Pte Ltd
100 Cecil Street The Globe
11th Floor
Singapore 069532
Tel: (65) 6222 4567 Fax: (65) 6222 9711
www.yakun.com

----- Original Message -----

From: Wellschlager, Matt

To: Info

Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 11:11 AM

Subject: RE: Merchandise

Hello,

Thank you very much for your prompt reply. I'd like to implore you to rethink your decision. I'd like to tell you a little bit more about myself and how this poster will fit in. As a high ranking executive at a large multi-national corporation I have an office with a lot of foot traffic, located in New York City. Not only are there the 100's of employees who regularly walk the halls in front of my office space here, I also have regular meetings with various other companies. As you may know we often have partnerships with large companies such as IBM, Microsoft, and HP. In addition we regularly work with large advertising agencies. All of these different companies regularly occasion our office in New York, and would be viewing your poster in my office. These other executives are all people who regularly must travel to Singapore on business. You may not be aware, but while the Americans have a highly refined sense of taste, their lack of knowledge of where to buy coffee in Singapore means they're often left to shop at the vastly inferior Starbucks scattered around the city. The kind of awareness having one of Ya Kun's excellent posters would bring to the American audience at the office would surely mean that they would start buying coffee at your stores instead of Starbuck's on their frequent trips to Singapore. Considering the low cost of producing one of your posters, surely you can see the obvious return on investment that providing me with one would have, even if it only means a few additional cups of coffee are sold as a result. Thank you for your consideration.

Kind Regards,

Matthew

Dear Matthew,

Thank you for your email dated on September 13, 2007 and your keen interest in our poster.

We regret to inform you that we are unable to accede to your request after further evaluation of the matter.

We really appreciate your interest in our posters and seek your understanding in this matter. We hope that you can enjoy the posters each time you visit our outlets. Thank you and have a pleasant week ahead!

Ya Kun - The Toast that Binds ... Kinship, Friendship, Partnership

Best Regards,
Koo Yuan Hui
Personal Assistant
Ya Kun International Pte Ltd
100 Cecil Street The Globe
11th Floor
Singapore 069532
Tel: (65) 6222 4567 Fax: (65) 6222 9711
www.yakun.com

Fastirs – Ustrelyin Fa Bier - further excercises in language

While in Sydney I’m trying to conquer the rules of how they talk. I think I’m starting to get it but I’m still trying to get all the various changes down:
The double ee sound (sometimes the ea) becomes more like an ie. So beer sounds like bee-er.
The long a sound (like day) is pronounced like a long I (like eye). So day sounds like “die”.
Ah’s become like eh’s. And er’s become like ir’s. So “faster” sounds like “festir”. And better sounds like bittir.
O’s sounds like a’s, so Fosters sounds like “Fastirs”. And Australian sounds like Ustrelyin.
And so now, I finally understand what that guy on the Foster’s commercials was saying! Too bad they don’t sell Foster’s in any reputable bar here . . .No worries, mate!

Things are Different in Sydney

So, things are different in Sydney. First off, everyone seems to like to drink. Sunday afternoon was filled with people out and about with their children have a beer or four at any of the various hang-out spots there are. Even the statues, noting the lack of people hanging out in the public square, take the time to sit back and reflect on the week's accomplishments with a nice glass of Australian white wine.

In addition, the view from my room is WAY nicer here in Sydney.
The women (no pictures unfortunately) on first analysis appear to be rather attractive as it compares on to the global scene ; )
And finally, the most interesting thing is that Australians have a very distinct and notable lack of ability to understand the inherit connection between size and value. For example, large houses typically cost more than smaller houses in a similar market. SUV's typically are more expensive than compact cars. But they just couldn't get it right with their coins. They have elected to eliminate all paper money under $5. In addition they've decided that the 20 cent and 50 cent coins should be the largest (about the size of a sand dollar) and then aligning their coin sizes to a bell curve, they've made their $2 coins the smallest amongst the bunch, ranking just slightly larger than an American dime. What else is great about their coins? The subway doesn't take credit card, so if you need a ticket and you only have a twenty? That's right, 9 dime size coins worth $2 each. Find that couch comfortable? Good - you just paid 14 dollars in lost change to sit in it!

Sydney Totally F-ing Rocks

So, personally speaking, Sydney is really a beautiful city. I got here Saturday. After a short time at the hotel bar, I discovered that Australians are super nice. After chatting with the bartender for a little, we ended up heading to Darling Harbour (note the "u") where they've put in a long strip of great bars and restaurants that sit right on the water. This happened to coincide
with the nicest weather Sydney has had for the last three months. So sitting outside in 70 degree weather by the water has been pretty satisfactory if you ask me. The whole city is surrounded by water, which I thoroughly approve. There were sailboats everywhere and plentiful people enjoying the beautiful day this Sunday. I think one of the things I like the most is it's similarity to the Chesapeake Bay area . . . except a bit better. Here are some nice pictures. . .

Tumpa Ba’ a Guwu Pa’

I recently tried to visit the hotel bar. It may go down in history as one of the most depressing places I’ve ever been in my life. It’s called the Carriage Bar and it boasts live music almost nightly (Karaoke) and a charming atmosphere. The place looked more like an abandoned strip club (based on what I’m told they look like). There were two old couples hanging out in there. As the Dj spun tunes and talked to the “audience” it was clear that some old schmuck had been talked into ballroom dancing lessons to save his marriage – boy he must have been proud. The lucky old man got to dance in front of “everyone” with his wife – they had a different style for each tune, salsa dancing to such classics as Ricky Martin, and then quickly adapting to the smooth beats of – you guessed it – Akon.

I asked around with some of the local guys. My “Singlish” is still getting up to speed so I was having a lot of trouble understanding what Tumpa Ba’ a Guwu pa’ was, until luckily I stumbled into a bar called Thumper, which was located at the Goodwood Park Hotel. This place is nifty. Quite expensive and serves American food, so I don’t know if I’ll be frequenting it too often, it boasts a fancy W hotel like atmosphere with the addition of TV’s everywhere showing Soccer. Thumper is the first bar (that they know of) to use a unique “biometric” approach to their tab keeping. What this means, is that they make you a “member” the first time you go there. They get your picture and thumbprint on file and then you’re free to go order what you like. Each time you order you just give them your thumb – it’s really cool. Then on the way out you scan your thumb and pay up. No annoying cards or cash exchanged or anyone getting stuck with the bill – just thumb scanning. It’s a little gimmicky but nonetheless interesting.