Fastirs – Ustrelyin Fa Bier - further excercises in language

While in Sydney I’m trying to conquer the rules of how they talk. I think I’m starting to get it but I’m still trying to get all the various changes down:
The double ee sound (sometimes the ea) becomes more like an ie. So beer sounds like bee-er.
The long a sound (like day) is pronounced like a long I (like eye). So day sounds like “die”.
Ah’s become like eh’s. And er’s become like ir’s. So “faster” sounds like “festir”. And better sounds like bittir.
O’s sounds like a’s, so Fosters sounds like “Fastirs”. And Australian sounds like Ustrelyin.
And so now, I finally understand what that guy on the Foster’s commercials was saying! Too bad they don’t sell Foster’s in any reputable bar here . . .No worries, mate!

Things are Different in Sydney

So, things are different in Sydney. First off, everyone seems to like to drink. Sunday afternoon was filled with people out and about with their children have a beer or four at any of the various hang-out spots there are. Even the statues, noting the lack of people hanging out in the public square, take the time to sit back and reflect on the week's accomplishments with a nice glass of Australian white wine.

In addition, the view from my room is WAY nicer here in Sydney.
The women (no pictures unfortunately) on first analysis appear to be rather attractive as it compares on to the global scene ; )
And finally, the most interesting thing is that Australians have a very distinct and notable lack of ability to understand the inherit connection between size and value. For example, large houses typically cost more than smaller houses in a similar market. SUV's typically are more expensive than compact cars. But they just couldn't get it right with their coins. They have elected to eliminate all paper money under $5. In addition they've decided that the 20 cent and 50 cent coins should be the largest (about the size of a sand dollar) and then aligning their coin sizes to a bell curve, they've made their $2 coins the smallest amongst the bunch, ranking just slightly larger than an American dime. What else is great about their coins? The subway doesn't take credit card, so if you need a ticket and you only have a twenty? That's right, 9 dime size coins worth $2 each. Find that couch comfortable? Good - you just paid 14 dollars in lost change to sit in it!

Sydney Totally F-ing Rocks

So, personally speaking, Sydney is really a beautiful city. I got here Saturday. After a short time at the hotel bar, I discovered that Australians are super nice. After chatting with the bartender for a little, we ended up heading to Darling Harbour (note the "u") where they've put in a long strip of great bars and restaurants that sit right on the water. This happened to coincide
with the nicest weather Sydney has had for the last three months. So sitting outside in 70 degree weather by the water has been pretty satisfactory if you ask me. The whole city is surrounded by water, which I thoroughly approve. There were sailboats everywhere and plentiful people enjoying the beautiful day this Sunday. I think one of the things I like the most is it's similarity to the Chesapeake Bay area . . . except a bit better. Here are some nice pictures. . .

Tumpa Ba’ a Guwu Pa’

I recently tried to visit the hotel bar. It may go down in history as one of the most depressing places I’ve ever been in my life. It’s called the Carriage Bar and it boasts live music almost nightly (Karaoke) and a charming atmosphere. The place looked more like an abandoned strip club (based on what I’m told they look like). There were two old couples hanging out in there. As the Dj spun tunes and talked to the “audience” it was clear that some old schmuck had been talked into ballroom dancing lessons to save his marriage – boy he must have been proud. The lucky old man got to dance in front of “everyone” with his wife – they had a different style for each tune, salsa dancing to such classics as Ricky Martin, and then quickly adapting to the smooth beats of – you guessed it – Akon.

I asked around with some of the local guys. My “Singlish” is still getting up to speed so I was having a lot of trouble understanding what Tumpa Ba’ a Guwu pa’ was, until luckily I stumbled into a bar called Thumper, which was located at the Goodwood Park Hotel. This place is nifty. Quite expensive and serves American food, so I don’t know if I’ll be frequenting it too often, it boasts a fancy W hotel like atmosphere with the addition of TV’s everywhere showing Soccer. Thumper is the first bar (that they know of) to use a unique “biometric” approach to their tab keeping. What this means, is that they make you a “member” the first time you go there. They get your picture and thumbprint on file and then you’re free to go order what you like. Each time you order you just give them your thumb – it’s really cool. Then on the way out you scan your thumb and pay up. No annoying cards or cash exchanged or anyone getting stuck with the bill – just thumb scanning. It’s a little gimmicky but nonetheless interesting.

Singaporeans Love Akon

Singaporeans love Akon as much as Germans love Hasselhoff, or Malaysians love Spongebob for that matter. Almost every song on the radio is an Akon song. Occasionally there are breaks from Akon songs. Songs from people like Gwen Stafani . . . .featuring Akon. I literally have not gone one place without hear that annoying music. Luckily each of his songs sound different . . .

Matt (and Spongebob) Go to Melacca

So after being deceitfully led on an "hour and half" trip to Malaysia, I found myself in the beautiful port town of Melacca. While it only took three hours to get there, it was quite a different world from Singapore. After sitting in traffic for at least an hour, as it turned out to be independence day in Malaysia, we arrived at the historic city.

Most of the historical stuff comes for the Dutch who used it as a strategic port during colonial days. Much like Singapore it sits strategically between India and China where by passing through the straits of Melacca one can avoid circumnavigating Indonesia. There are lots of old dutch buildings from the Church on the hill to the old Stadthaus where business would’ve been conducted. One of the old Dutch mansions however has been turned into a history of Islam museum. After removing your shoes at the door, you can view some old artifacts on the first floor which lay out the basic rules of Islam, to the more relevant Islam in Melacca artifacts on the top floor. The most interesting thing, which was news to me, was the Arabs had come and civilized the primitive savages who lived here before, as depicted in this painting.

The museum had an interesting view on the history of Islam, but nonetheless interesting. And it was noticeably present. The women, while being some of the most beautiful I’ve seen all wore scarf like things that showed nothing but their faces. In this regard they’re quite devout, and if you’re listening to the radio at the right time you might just be lucky enough to stumble into some prayer. Wait! Don’t touch that dial, it’s the same on all the channels! Prior to colonialism, Malaysia was part of the Sultanates of Asia, which is pretty interesting. They’ve actually reconstructed the old palace (pictured here) without using nails, as it would’ve been done originally. I frankly don’t believe that they did it without nails, but that’s what the propaganda says.

The rest of the city is a series of juxtaposed images that reek of old style colonialism met with globalization. The McDonalds in the mall features your standard meals while the bathroom stalls still have Malaysian toilets. I won’t go into detail about what those are about, but instead here’s a picture – let me know if you have any questions. No wonder you have to take your shoes off when you go into the Mosque! In addition you see a lot of poverty and rich culture (like the guys on bikes with huge floral displays and Indian music playing) between the relics of Dutch colonialism and one of the largest malls in Melacca, featuring stores like Levis, and even larger versions of Spongebob. You can understand why there is some resentment between the Malaysians and the Singaporeans when you see how much better the latter live. By far one of the most interesting parts of the day was going into Chinatown where they were having a wonderful street fair. Off to the side was a great row of little bars where we sat outside and had some drinks observing the local traffic. I even managed to find something I had been looking for for a long time – a New Kids on the Block pin, hell yeah!

Public Safety Announcements - Crack is Whack

As we've known for a long time, public safety announcements are vital. We as a society are compelled, in fact morally obligated, to educate the people on the dangers of society. It's an important part that the government plays in educating us about the perils of gambling, drugs, alcohol, and the worst threat to society there is - Jaywalking: A minute saved, a life lost . . . .

Haw Par Villa - the Legacy of the Tiger Balm Brothers

So Haw says to Par - "I want to build a huge kitschy plastic parable along the driveway to our house." These are the kinds of conversations I imagine the two brothers, founders of "Tiger Balm" had back in 1937 when they decided to build this thing - truly an atrocity but a unique view into Singaporean culture. The massive plastic (paper mache?) hillside is composed of various parables told in different ways that clearly express the morality of Singaporean culture. Gambling is bad I learned on Sunday. What's worse however are the ten courts of hell that you must pass through in order to be reincarnated. If you weren't disturbed by the images of rabbits and gerbils going to war on the way, or by the heads on spikes, the Ten courts will most certainly get you interested (especially if you're among the unlucky Singaporean youth who are brought to this "amusement park"). The process begins with two bridges where it's decided whether you'll go through hell or not, and then continues with ten different courts sending you through varying degrees of excruciating torture. It's like "It's a Small World" at Disneyland meets Dante.

Singapore Airlines - Big Pimpin' Eatin Cheese (and wine)

So - I'm finally in Singapore. The trip was all too comfortable considering the 21 hour flight. It began with a complimentary champagne which I enjoyed via my window seat atop the upper level of the ginormous 747 that took me there. Dinner was duck with a roasted cherry tomato sauce or some jazz like that with a refreshing Riesling. Then I slept in my fully reclining seat, so that was sweet.
Singapore feels pretty much like any city, although among the nicer ones I've seen. Everything seems to be logistically figured out and well planned and the city is super clean. All of the roads that run through the city are 2-4 lanes wide so there doesn't seem to be the kind of congestion you might see elsewhere. There are also big malls everywhere. Lame joke about Singapore #1 "What's the national sport of Singapore? Shopping". Now that I've got that out of the way I can go on to talk about how there seems to be construction going on everywhere. It's hard to go more than a block or two without seeing it and in some areas it's really massive - huge areas of cranes building big skyscrapers. Lame joke about Singapore #2 "What's the national bird of Singapore? The Crane".
The first night we went to one of these newly developed areas called Clark Quay where they've built a beautiful area right on the river that's basically comprised of restaurants and bars (including a Hooter's, however ironic that may be for Asia), that sits right on the river. Despite drastic warnings about the heat it's really not bad so far. About the same temperature as nyc was when I left, maybe a little more humid. However, there's actually space between the buildings so there's a little bit of a breeze most of the time. Coming next - the heralding trip to some dudes' weird property.

Testing the Blog

This is me testing the blog